Who That Twitter Follower Really Is

There are certain ‘code words’ in Twitter bios that can give us clues about who is really following us on twitter. Sure, we’ve all read the blogs that tell us about the different “types” of twitter users. But don’t you wonder if that person on the other side of the Brad Pitt avatar is really a pimply-faced 13 yr old that tortures cats? While I’m not sure if I can accurately predict the skin conditions of all of your followers, there are some clues in those bios.

Let’s take a look at some actual twitter bios and I’ll take a stab at describing who is behind the keyboard.

1. ” Team Builder, Looking 4 JV Partners, Success Mentor”

The clue here is “looking for JV (joint venture) partners.” This screams “I have no money and I live with my mother.”  This is the guy that claims to be “self-employed” when he can’t find a job. Appearances are everything so he’s shuffling constantly to make it look like he has something going. Anyone who describes themselves as a “success mentor” hasn’t experienced any success of their own. Think Bernie Madoff without the persuasive skills.

2. Life Coach: “Helping you create amazing changes in your life. Personal development and self growth coach.”

These always have vague descriptions of how they can mentor or guide others to a perfect “self-actualized” life. These are people with no definable skills in life. They like to toss out psychobabble to sound as if their lives have some important purpose, but they actually are about as useless as nail polish on prairie dog toes. You want to make amazing changes in my life? Give me a million dollars and I’ll take you on a trip around the world and show you what living really is.

3. “Internet entrepreneur, eCommerce, Social Media & Networking.”

Yes there are some legitimate internet social networking professionals out there, but I’m convinced that at least half of these guys spend their days updating their facebook pages. The “entrepreneur” & “eCommerce” tells me this guy is getting pizza money by selling his mom’s old lampshades on eBay.

4. “I’m a comedian and a graphic designer. I’m really good at both.”

If you have to say you’re a really good comedian, then you’re not. Really.

5. Weird bios like “Unicorns think I’m a myth.”

This guy doesn’t have a clue about humor. He throws out non sequiturs like skittles for aliens, thinking it makes him look hip and funny. There is a time and place for the offbeat, but if it’s the only trick in your bag you need to stick to actuarial work.

6. Assassins: “I used to rule the world…still do sometimes.”

Obviously, a hardworking mom who dreams big but doesn’t get out much. She’ll probably end up turning to a life of crime…or writing a book as an outlet for those violent tendencies.

Seriously, though, most of us on twitter aren’t nearly as fun, cool and witty as we appear to be.  If we were, we would all be super stars. So if you see a bit of yourself here, don’t take it too hard. I don’t.


Published by: assassingrl

I'm just your average marketing goddess who does some freelance writing on the side. Or am I? What if I'm really a hired killer? You don't have anything to worry about unless you are an evil villain, above the reach of the usual law and order types. You know the kind, with enough money and influence to buy their way out of any legal repercussions. That's when the organization I work for steps in. You won't find us in any federal government directory. We're one of those groups that get the conspiracy theorists all hot and bothered. This could just be the plot of a novel I'm working on. Then again...

Categories Twitter